The Underdog
by clayheart
Summary: Denise is entering the world of growing up. Suddenly all the girls around her are wearing make-up and flirting with boys while she's somehow still stuck in the phase of playing ball and not brushing her hair.
1. First

**This is mostly an introduction chapter. Just a little background, probably essential to understand the rest of the story though. Feedback is adored :)**

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I watched him from the back of the class a lot. I don't know why, I just did. We had English together and, man, was it ever boring. I had real trouble staying awake in every class. Mr. Syme rambled on and on about nothing, or at least it was nothing I cared about. I think it was my best class though, because I stayed awake most of the time. I guessed I kinda owed it to the kid for that.

I didn't know him know him. I talked to him maybe twice, I don't know. I didn't see him a whole lot outside of school. I only had one class with him and we didn't sit anywhere near each other. At lunch I didn't go up to speak to him, and plus I only had that option once in awhile when we both happened to stay. I usually went off with Kathy for lunch.

Kathy was thrilled when we started going to the same school. She's a senior though and I'm a freshman, so this is our first and last year until she graduates, if she graduates. She's not stupid, but a little unmotivated. Anyways, her dad doesn't need the car during the day while he's at work, so as long as she drops him off and picks him up later she can use it. And she has to drive her younger brother Scott to school every day, too. I didn't think that was half bad, because she was coming here anyway. Scott was an okay kid.

Scott was best friends with my brother James. They've been best friends for awhile, because our parents are pretty close, so it was inevitable. They're the same age, too, sixteen this year. Kathy, despite being four years older than me, took a liking to me. I don't know why. I think she thought of me as kind of a younger sister. I never had a sister and neither did she, so it was alright. I got a lot of free drives and, like I said, she usually took me out for lunch, so I couldn't complain.

It was nice, too, having a girl around. My mama doesn't count, because I can't gossip or tell secrets to her. I could to Kathy, and she acted like she cared, even though it was stupid most of the time. Whenever James was teasing me, which he did a hell of a lot, I'd just leave and walk to Kathy's house, hoping she'd be home. James was okay sometimes, but if he had friends over it was best to steer clear of him. He liked trying to act tough in front of them, which usually resulted in him being an asshole. Sometimes we play wrestled, but I would never want to actually fight him, because he would pummel me in a second.

James and Scott ran on the pride of being in the River Kings gang. I thought it was stupid as hell. The River Kings were always, and I do mean always, fighting with the Tiber Street Tigers. Sure, I understand letting off steam and all, but sometimes they could be real vicious. James even got his lip split really far down once; Mama flipped her lid, especially when he refused to get stitches. I didn't see the point in fighting with each other, because the Socs didn't care. They'd still jump them anyways, so it only set up two rival gangs they had to fend themselves against. It didn't make sense to me, and it made James much tougher than the brother I used to know.

If you lived on the East side, you could probably tell the difference between just any hood and one of the Kings or Tigers. They were much scarier and wilder, and not really that much fun to be around unless you were one of them. Don't get me wrong, the rare times James invited me along, I said yes in a heartbeat, but it was a different kind of fun than I was used to. They liked being reckless and breaking the law, just because they could. I was scared of getting into real trouble, but James wasn't. Neither was Scott or the rest of them. They were a scary bunch who didn't care about anything.

I wasn't really like them. I shoplifted once and it rattled me, so I've never done it since. I didn't get caught, but the worry wasn't worth it. Plus I was a girl and I wanted to act like one. I was sort of a _tomboy. _I didn't like how there was a classification for it, because as soon as someone said anything about a tomboy, every girl in the vicinity scrunched up their nose. And boys didn't like tomboys either. I had a lot of skirts to wear to school, because it was a must, but I also had pairs of corduroys for playing ball. Mama wanted to throw them out, because they were old and tattered, but I wouldn't let her. How silly would I look playing baseball in a skirt?

Anyways, it took a lot of begging and coercing to finally get James to let me play with him and his friends. I wasn't about to give that privilege up because I didn't have the right attire. They never let me do much, though. I got to bat when it was my turn, but when we were on the field I had to be the catcher, sometimes second base if I was lucky. I wanted to play centerfield, but I knew that was dreaming.

If James and the guys wouldn't let me play with them, I'd go down to the park with my glove and bat and wait until someone started a game. I would play with strangers and kids who were no older than twelve, but I didn't care much. And if they didn't want to play baseball, well then I played any game they were starting up. I had tried to get my friends to start playing with me, but they weren't exactly on the same page as I was about it, so I made temporary friends. That's how desperate I could be for something to do.

I didn't have a lot of friends to begin with. I spent a lot of time with Kathy, but even she had her own group of friends and now a boyfriend, so I slipped into the background sometimes. I didn't blame her, because I didn't really understand why she wasted her time with a kid like me at all in the first place.

Speaking of Kathy's boyfriend, that's kinda how I knew him. They were good friends, or at least in the same gang, but I was pretty sure they didn't refer to it as a gang. It wasn't like the Kings or Tigers. But anyway, I liked Kathy's boyfriend Two-Bit. I didn't know his real name, but that's how she introduced him so that's what I called him. I only met him a couple of times. He was real funny, though, and nice to me when I did see him.

He was never around when Two-Bit was with Kathy, at least not when I was there, but sometimes I heard Two-Bit mention him. Maybe it's just me, but when I hear someone talk about someone I don't know, I get curious. I wonder what they're like, how their life is, and if I'd get along with them. Two-Bit mentioned others from his gang, briefly, but I didn't pay much attention to them. I only wondered about Ponyboy Curtis.

"Denise?"

My arms were folded on my desk and I was resting on my chin. I was staring at the braid on the girl in front of me. It was done well, despite being straight down her back. I figured she had someone do it for her, but I still wanted to ask. Then Mr. Syme barked my name.

"Mhm?" I asked, sitting up straight. I was startled. I hadn't been listening to anything he had said in the last hour or so, but at least I hadn't fallen asleep. He never seemed to give me credit for that.

"Can you answer my question?" he inquired.

"Um..." I mumbled, "Can ya repeat it?"

"Can _ya _pay attention in class?" he said, emphasizing my drawl. He was always harping on me about my speech, but it probably wasn't going to change any time soon; though if he kept embarrassing me in front of the class, it might. That was one thing I really hated, being embarrassed, especially when there were Socs in some of my classes. I knew they couldn't have cared less about me, but it really irked me.

I looked over to see if Ponyboy had heard, which was stupid because of course he'd heard. He had a slanted grin on his face as we made eye contact. I wanted to slide into my seat and under my desk and disappear from this whole situation. The class responded to Mr. Syme's teasing with faint laughter and my cheeks began to get a little hot. _Don't blush in front of the kid_, I told myself, but it didn't work. When I brought my eyes back up to see if he was still looking at me, he had looked away and began talking to someone else.

The bell finally rang and I was free. I bolted it out of the classroom, hoping my colour would return.


	2. Second

"Hey Denny, ready to go?" Kathy asked as I approached her locker. This is where we usually met before heading out to lunch. I had ditched all my books at my own locker before coming here, and that took some time so Kathy waited. A lot of the time Two-Bit or one of her other friends would come by and wait with her. It was commonly Nancy, who I particularly didn't like. I wouldn't tell Kathy that, though, but she was annoying. Thankfully she was by herself today.

"Yeah, let's leave," I replied. I thought I sounded normal, but Kathy stopped organizing her binders and stared at me. One eyebrow raised and she looked like she was about to speak, but I widened my eyes dramatically as if to say hurry up. She brushed it off and grabbed the keys to her dad's car before we made our exit.

I probably wouldn't tell her about the embarrassing incident from English. It was bad enough I had to live through it, repeating it would only make it worse. I knew Kathy would tell me it was no big deal and not to worry, because everyone would forget it by tomorrow, but _I _wouldn't forget it. That's what bugged me the most. I could remember every time Mr. Syme picked on me, but when it came to school, I practically knew nothing. I really pissed myself off sometimes.

Kathy and I went to the DX to pick up some Cokes. I told her I wasn't hungry and neither was she. The whole drive there she talked about Two-Bit and how funny he was. I didn't know what was really going on with the two. I called him Kathy's boyfriend, but sometimes they were on and sometimes they were off. I could usually tell by which mood Kathy was in.

"Hey Soda, can you fill her up?" she said to Sodapop as he stepped out of the station. Soda nodded and headed over to the car. Kathy left me in it to go buy our Cokes. I hadn't intended to, but I ended up staring at Sodapop through the side view mirror.

He looked like Ponyboy, I decided. Soda was more stunning good-looking, though, but they shared some features. It was most obvious when either was laughing. That's when they really looked alike. Even their older brother Darry looked similar. I'd only seen him once, if I remember right, but you could certainly tell they were a family. I didn't think I looked anything like James. He was too hard looking and I had a baby face. It might sound cute, maybe if I was seven, but I was getting too old for it. It felt impossible to grow up with this look.

"Hey Denise." I blinked, coming to reality, only to realize I had continued to stare at Soda as I was thinking. "How's school, huh?" he asked.

"Oh, it's good," I lied. I thought about the incident today, yet again. I wasn't doing well in any course, but at least I was passing I guess, it's more than some people I know can say. "Kinda boring, but hey."

"Yeah, it's borin' alright," he laughed. There it was. I could see the Curtis in him. I was on friendly terms with Soda, considering all the times I was in Kathy's car and how often she came here. I saw Steve a lot around here, too, after school. They treated me decent, but not like the other girls who came here. They treated me like I was about ten years old, and honestly, I thought I could pass for it. Other girls, especially pretty Soc girls, got the charming smiles and the attempted pick up lines. I probably wouldn't know how to react if they did that to me, anyhow. I guess I kinda liked being treated too young. That or I was plain used to it.

Kathy returned, letting Soda know she already had paid inside. She got back in the car, handing me my drink and placing hers in the cup holder. We sped off and I rolled down the window. I rested my head on the door and let the wind hit my face and run through my hair. I imagined I was in a movie. I wanted to be like Elizabeth Taylor. She was beautiful and we both had dark hair and dark eyes. I knew I didn't look like her, but sometimes I would pretend I did.

"Are you feelin' okay?" Kathy asked. I opened my eyes and lifted up my head. I had almost forgotten where I was.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told her unconvincingly. I didn't even think it sounded believable. Usually I could be very chatty, as in I wouldn't shut up. Kathy could be like that too, so we always had a conversation going, but not today. I was acting really strange today and I didn't really know how to hide it.

"You seem a li'l spaced out," she commented.

"Naw, I'm okay," I persisted. She glanced at me and I looked at her to give a big smile.

"O—kay, if you say so," she ended the conversation.

We headed back to the school and stayed in the parking lot. It was a sunny day, so Kathy and I sat on the trunk of the car, drinking our Cokes. She kept talking about the drama between her friends. Man, teenage girls could be ruthless. I didn't know whether or not to believe the stories she told me, because sometimes she could exaggerate, but I figured for the most part they were true. That was scary as hell.

I had a few friends, not a lot, but a few. Leslie was my best friend. She was the only one, besides Kathy, that I told a lot too. She wasn't much like me, but we were friends anyway. She was pretty like all the other girls. Sometimes she'd harp on me about not trying to look good and I could tell it embarrassed her, but this was usually in front of the other girls. When we were hanging out alone, she didn't care. Leslie would apologize later and I always forgave her.

Then there were the girls Leslie was friends with. I hung around them sometimes, but usually they didn't invite me. It depended on if they were feeling generous or not. The lead girl was Amy and basically whatever she said went. She was blond and reminded me of Grace Kelly, which really bothered me because I wanted to be the movie star-looking one and I wasn't. If I did hang out with them, they made sly digs at my clothes and hair and whatever else they could pick out about me, so I usually didn't hang out with them.

I was also kinda friends with this kid in the River Kings. He was fifteen and he hung around James a lot, that's how I met him. His name's Wally – short for Walter, what a square name – and he was the one who convinced James to let me play ball with them. I had a pretty good argument, but James doesn't like to listen to anything I said in front of his friends. I tried wearing him down at the dinner table and when we would watch television, and I was getting real close, but I think it was Wally's approval that really got him.

"_Aw, c'mon, man, she's been sittin' here whinin' every day. Just let her play, who cares?" _

I sat myself at the baseball diamond literally every time they had a game and I begged and pleaded. Wally probably just felt sorry for me. I was a sorry sight, but this was last summer and I was younger then, more immature. I was glad they kept letting me play with them, though. That's when Wally started talking to me and we became sort of friends. I don't know how he would feel about me calling him my friend, so we'll leave it as a maybe.

A truck pulled into the spot beside us and Kathy giggled like a little girl. That's how I knew who it was. Two-Bit got out and immediately flocked to her. She hopped off of the trunk and they hugged and whatever. I wasn't paying attention. Steve got out of the driver's side and out of the backseat exited Ponyboy. _Of course _I was staring again. I didn't mean to. He looked back at me, straight faced, just as I was. I looked down at the Coke I was holding in my lap and hoped to be invisible.

"Denny, are you comin' inside?" Kathy asked, taking her eyes off Two-Bit for a second, though his hands remained around her waist. "Bell should ring soon enough."

I slid down off the trunk, finished off my Coke, and tossed it in the trash before following them inside. They all walked together, in a group, and I trailed behind them.


	3. Third

**Thank you for the reviews, I love reading them :)**

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It was after school and Kathy had just dropped me off at home. I dawdled inside, kicking a small stone all the way up the path to my front door. I was no hurry to get inside. I didn't like being inside, it was stuffy. I liked to think of myself as a nature person, even though that was probably a stretch. I really liked being outdoors, that was it, whether it be day or night.

When I entered, James was already lying on the couch watching television. Usually Kathy would pick him up and drop him off, along with me, but not today. By the time she was here, I couldn't find James anywhere, so I thought he had left early. It was pretty optimistic of me, because he hardly woke up early and he would never wake up extra early to go to a place like school. Anyways, we couldn't find him after school either, so we left without him.

"What the hell are you doin'?" I asked. He didn't even acknowledge my presence. He kept his eyes focused on the screen and his body motionless. I wasn't in the mood to be ignored, but I also wasn't in the mood to get a whooping. I had to make tough decisions when it came to James, because I never knew what attitude he was in.

I left him in the living room to put my stuff away in my bedroom. Our house was one floor, three bedrooms, and two bathrooms. Only one of those bathrooms had a shower though, and since I was the youngest, I had to wake up really early to use it. I always had to move _my _schedule around to fit my parents' and James'. It became a part of my routine.

"Denise? Are you home?" I heard Mama call from the kitchen. I left my bedroom, making sure to close the door, because sometimes when it was open people took it as an opportunity to enter. And it was really the only sanctuary of privacy I had. I followed my mama's voice into the kitchen, jumping up onto the counter top to sit. She was making dinner beside.

"Yup," I replied. "What's up with Jay?" I thought maybe she'd know, because she was usually home all day, unless she went out shopping, and I assumed James had been here most of the day, too.

"Get off the counter, young lady, it's not for sitting," she scolded as she swatted at me with the back of her hand. It only caught air, as it always did. Mama was never hitting us; she was too soft to do so. James had been hit a couple times by Dad, but he was constantly asking for it. He never hit me, because I was a good kid, especially when I had a brother like James to be compared to.

I did as she said and let myself down. I leaned back on the counter instead, holding myself up with my elbows propped against it. I watched Mama cut up carrots for dinner. I reached over to grab one, because I liked raw carrots and I knew she'd be cooking them soon, yuck, but she swatted at me yet again.

"Aw, c'mon," I whined. She didn't budge. I continued to watch her. "So what's goin' on with Jay?"

Mama ignored me for a long time. It wasn't really _that _long, I guess, but to me it felt like it. Every time I kept asking her or saying, "Mama?" because I could've sworn her mind wandered off, she told me to quit bugging her and that she was too busy for my questions. I've never made dinner before, but I was sure it didn't take all that concentration and effort. I retired from the kitchen, obviously defeated as I didn't get any answers. James was still lying on the couch like a slug. It wasn't even funny.

I wanted to sit down and join him watching television, so I stood in front of him and waited. He didn't move his legs nor did he even so much as glance as me. I leaned down and nudged him, getting a little aggravated, but he didn't move. Where the hell was I supposed to sit? I thought about sitting in Dad's recliner, but it wasn't all that comfortable. I thought it would've been, because it was Dad's favourite spot, but the springs jutted out when you sat down and the material was a little itchy.

"Jay, stop being an _ass _and move!" I only swore when I knew I wouldn't get in trouble for it and that was usually around James or Wally or Kathy. When I swore in the house, though, I whispered the word. I made sure it was loud enough for James to hear, so he knew I was serious, but not loud enough for Mama to hear in the next room. She really wanted me to be a lady and if she caught me swearing, I wouldn't be surprised if she washed my mouth out with soap. All the swear words I picked up were either from James or Dad, or sometimes even James' friends because they often forgot I was present or simply forgot I was a little influential girl. I liked using swear words, they made me sound kind of tough, I thought at least.

James still didn't look at me. His eyes were partially open and his gaze directed towards the television. He was really bothering me. I hate getting told off, but to be honest I prefer it over being ignored. I couldn't stand when people ignored me. Go ahead and make fun of me, tell me to scram, or even shove me, but don't ignore me. Being ignored is like being silently told you're not even worth the time to be mean to. I hated when James picked on me, but it was better than this, as long as he didn't leave any bruising.

"Listen here, James," I snapped. I rarely addressed him with his full name James, but I knew Mama did when she was real mad at him. I'd seen him get yelled at so many times I could practically re-enact one of Mama's speeches, adding in the twist of my own bone to pick with him. "If you don't get the _hell_ up from this _goddamn_ couch right now I swear to _god_ I am gonna beat the _shit_ outta you," I threatened. It goes without saying that I wasn't really going to. I wouldn't hurt James ever, unless he attacked me first and it was in defense, because I knew it would only give him a reason to turn around and clobber me. I wasn't about giving him a reason to do that.

Usually when I tried to act tough and threaten him it was enough to get him to stop whatever he was doing and try to scare me. Most of the time he'd just get this mean look on his face and then he'd chase me all the way to my bedroom, where I would find safety within the four yellow walls and the sturdy door lock. If my parents weren't home, I'd hide out there for hours, sometimes I'd even stay there until I had to go to school the next morning. Most of the time my mama was home though and James wouldn't dare lay a finger on me while she was around, but that doesn't mean I didn't always fear him at least a tiny bit.

"I'm gonna get Mama in here and she's gonna kill you," I told him before I stomped out of the room. I knew Mama wouldn't do anything, except make him move hopefully. Even though he knew that too I figured it couldn't hurt to try it. I wished Dad was home because he was a much more menacing threat. When he was riled up, that is, on a normal basis he was very kind. We had lucked out, or so that's what Wally told me. We were lying on the field one day after playing catch and he said, "Y'know what, Denny?" and I asked him, "What?" and he replied saying, "You have a real good dad. Y'all are lucky as hell."

I wasn't sure where it came from. He'd met my dad plenty of times, so I didn't doubt that he knew him fairly well, but I didn't know what he did that made Wally say that. Maybe I did have a real good dad, but truthfully I didn't have much to compare it to. I'd never met Wally's parents; I was starting to believe he didn't have any, because he never talked about them. Kathy's dad was a lot like mine, but if she did something stupid he sure wouldn't let her forget it. My dad wasn't like that. He was real forgiving, except when it came to mistakes we made repeatedly. He'd lecture me if he knew I called them _mistakes, _because, as he said, "Mistakes only happen once. The second time you should know better."

I entered the kitchen and my mama was in the same place I'd left her. She was chopping vegetables still, despite the fact none of us even ate vegetables. She was the only one. She'd force a few onto James' and my plate and I'd swallow them almost whole, holding my breath. My dad didn't even like them and it was impossible to get him to eat them. My mama has long given up that battle because my dad claims he doesn't tell her how to live her life, so don't tell him how he should live his. That was the end all.

"Mama, Jay won't get up," I told her innocently.

"Did you ask him?" she retorted, keeping her focus on the vegetables in front of her. She didn't even glance at me which made me feel real great. I was just glad she answered me this time.

"Yeah, course I did," I said, shrugging, "but he ain't movin'."

Mama dropped her knife. It missed the counter and made a _smack _as it hit the floor. Honestly I did jump. I think Mama did it by accident, so it startled her too. She sighed heavily, reaching down to pick it up and then slapping it down on the counter. She wiped her hands on her apron and scurried passed me into the living room. Thank god. It was about time she took me seriously and moved that kid off the damn couch.

"Denise?" she called. I entered the living room, standing in the doorway. She was standing over James, but her wide eyes were looking at me. "I need you to go to the park for a bit."


	4. Fourth

**Introducing a new character in this chap. Let me know what you think of him :)**

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I dragged my heels as I walked down the sidewalk. It always made my runners flat at the end and Dad really got mad about that because he spent good money on these shoes. They weren't that nice, but they held out real good during ball games. They didn't affect my running and kept me going pretty fast, so they were good, just ugly looking. I had a different pair for school that I was on strict orders to _only _wear to school by Mama, so those ones were always clean. I felt pretty good in my school shoes, I wouldn't want to dirty them anyhow.

My baseball bat was swung over my shoulder and my glove was on, carrying my baseball. I was even wearing my cap. Okay, it wasn't really _my _cap, because my mama would never buy me one. She bought James one, though, and that really ticked me off. But I was sure it was just because she was trying to get me to wear different kinds of hats, like the frilly ones. Leslie had a frilly one and it was uglier than my shoes, in my opinion, but I guess she did look kinda fancy with it on. This cap was my dad's old one. He was going to throw it away, but gave it to me instead. I had to promise I wouldn't tell Mama to get it.

Anyways, it was a sunny day. It was only four o'clock, so the sun was high and the clouds weren't doing a good job of covering it. I didn't care for the heat, but I sure preferred it to the rain or wind. I liked being warm, but not boiling. Today wasn't too bad. It could be a good day to play ball. I was taking a detour on my way to the park to swing by Wally's house.

I was a little nervous. I'd never actually been inside or even knocked on his door before. Usually he came to our house or we met him places. James and I had only come by once and he was already waiting on the porch, knowing we were coming, so there was no need to go inside. Heck, we didn't even go on the lawn. I approached his home, skipping up the front pathway right to the door. I balanced my bat against the brick so I could lay a heavy knock on the door.

I heard some muffled yells on the other side of the door and I was starting to regret my decision, but before I could turn away, the door flew open and there was Wally. He was only in a pair of jeans and a white wife-beater shirt, showing his broad shoulders. His black hair looked like it had just been freshly greased, though he looked far from ready. His eyes were big to begin with, but as they looked at me in surprise they were even bigger. They were brown and deep, the colour was pure and untainted with any others. They sort of reminded me of a dog's eyes, but not sad or anything. He managed to form a grin despite me being an uninvited guest.

"Wanna come play ball down at the park?" I offered. Sometimes I forgot Wally was fifteen and he surely had better things to do than play with a thirteen year old kid. He had friends who were closer to his age who did things like getting drunk and picking up girls, and here I was at his doorstep asking if he wanted to _play. _Man, I was really embarrassing sometimes. I hadn't even thought about what it would sound like when I showed up at his door, but it was too late now.

"Is James at home?" he asked me, ignoring my question. I blew air out of my nose in slight frustration. I didn't come to talk about James, I came to play baseball.

"Yeah, he's sick or somethin'," I replied.

Wally chuckled and shook his head as he looked beyond me. It was like he was remembering something that was funny and I clearly wasn't included. I stood on the porch awkwardly, not sure if I should walk away or wait for an answer. I stayed put despite my strong urges to leave. People had a way of changing the topic and I knew if Wally kept doing it, we'd never end up playing ball. I didn't much feel like doing anything else, but if he asked me to do something else I wouldn't say no.

"Lemme get a shirt on, k?" he told me. He paused and licked his lips in thought, and then he looked behind him into the house. Shockingly, he allowed the door to open fully and told me to come in. "Wait here and, uh, I'll be back in a quick second," he ordered, gesturing to the couch. I did as I was told, sitting down and placing my bat across my lap, holding it with my free hand.

Wally's house wasn't like mine. It was about the same size, but it didn't feel the same. His place was a mess, not that I cared at all, but my mama would have a stroke if our place was like this. She liked to keep it tidy regularly, because you never know who would stop by. If someone was planned to come over, me and her would clean the place front to back. She liked having a nice home. It didn't much matter to me or James or Dad, but she liked it.

He was back in a quick second, just like he had said. He grabbed his glove, which had been sitting on top of the television. It was beside the door so I presumed he had left it there after we played last week and hadn't moved it since. My mama would lose it if she thought that I thought I could leave my stuff lying around. I wondered what Wally's parents thought about it, though it was clear they must not care that much or it would've been moved. I was disappointed I hadn't seen or met either of them as we left his house and continued on our way to the park.

"Do ya know what's wrong with Jay?" I asked Wally before we started our game. We arrived at the park and I'd dropped my bat down near the diamond. Usually I hit first when we played together, because with everyone else I was always at the bottom of the lineup. After I forgot about Wally's parents, it occurred to me to ask him about James. They were buddies.

"Dunno," he replied as he slouched against the cage. "We were hangin' out with some other guys, but he ditched with Scott after about an hour."

"Well where'd they go?" I pushed. Wally would tell me a lot. He'd tell me anything I wanted to know, like about people around town, who was good, who was bad. He'd tell me about stories that happened at parties that I'd never get to go to until I was older. He had no problem talking about that stuff, but he had trouble speaking about, one, his parents and, two, James. Wally didn't like talking about him to me, his kid sister, and I guess that was pretty understandable, but I was getting kinda worried about him. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't concerned, because it puts Wally in an uncomfortable position.

"To Buck's," he answered quietly. If he said it quiet, it was sort of like he didn't _really _say it. At least, that was my logic behind. "Don't you go runnin' your mouth to your parents, y'hear? I ain't playin', Denny, Jay will bust my head in," he warned me harshly. I never took offence when he raised his voice with me. Sometimes I felt like it was the only way for someone to really get through to me.

"What the heck is there at Buck's?" I mumbled, kicking the dirt. I had my hands in the front pockets of my corduroys as I looked down, tracing my shoe in the gravel. I heard about Buck's from school. I knew Amy had been there before and I only remembered because she never let any of us forget it. Leslie said she might want to go to Buck's, too. Amy said she would bring her along next time, and Leslie believed it, but I knew there wasn't going to be a next time, not until we were all old enough to be hanging around there. I wasn't sure I wanted to though, because Kathy didn't speak too nicely about it when I asked her.

She said there was a lot of alcohol and a lot of drugs and if I had any sense I wouldn't go anywhere near that place. I didn't really _get _what was so bad about it, because Amy raved about it for a long time after. The usual parties I, and the people I knew, went to didn't have any alcohol and typically involved a birthday cake. Kathy said that's why they found Buck's so fun. I told her I might think its fun too, but she yelled at me for that. She asked me if I had any idea what type of people went to Buck's, and I said no, and she told me Dallas Winston was there a lot, and that really was enough to convince me to never to step foot in the place.

I didn't know a lot about Dallas Winston, but everyone knew _of _him. He was scary, that was for sure, and any place he considered fun was probably a place I didn't want to be. He was tough, not like James or Wally or even Two-Bit, but harden tough, the type of tough you can't hide or go back from. He was stuck like that and I bet he liked it that way. I would sooner cut my arm off with a shard of glass before I would cross that guy. I didn't know what James was doing in the same place as a hood like that, but he's a lot tougher than I typically make him out to be so maybe it made a lot of sense.

Wally smiled at me, like the type of smile you give to a little kid who doesn't understand. "If you go anywhere near that place I'm gonna break both your legs, got it?" he warned me as he pointed. He might not have been acting totally serious, but I knew the threat was. I trusted Kathy, I really did, but sometimes she told me not to do things that I did anyway. But it was a different story with Wally. Maybe because he's been on the streets for so long I knew I could take his word. He knew the score.


	5. Fifth

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I was damn proud and let me tell you why.

Wally and I started our game after his little lecture about Buck's. It wasn't like I had any desire to go to the place anymore, so it didn't take much convincing on his part to keep me away. Anyway, I didn't find out any more about James, which kind of bummed me out, but Wally didn't seem to know anything besides what he said. Part of me wanted to hunt down Scott and ask him what's up, but then the other part of me reminded me that it wasn't really my business and there's been enough times James has been mean to me, so why should I worry myself sick over it?

It started getting a little dark, like where the sun hasn't completely gone and the sky is a foggy dark blue. I like when it gets like that because then it cools down and running in that weather was the best. I was up to bat first and Wally pitched me a shitty throw first try. The second one was better, but I lost my footing and messed up. That was real embarrassing, especially when I noticed there were some kids watching us. They sat down on the bleachers on the other side of the cage. I wanted to get a good look at them without staring, so I called timeout and pretended my shoe came loose so I had to retie it. When I snuck a look as I stood up, I was _mortified _to see Ponyboy Curtis sitting there with his friend Johnny, smoking a cigarette. They had seen me trip over my own feet and nearly drop the bat from Wally's last pitch.

Now part of me wanted to go home and cry, because that's what girls do a lot over boys, they cry. All the girls I knew had done it at least once. Leslie did, Amy did, Kathy did, and even Mama did over Dad sometimes when he was being real smart. When we were little, we cried over them because they shoved us or they pulled our hair or bit us. Now we were crying over them because they either said something wrong or didn't like us or stood us up. I didn't really think that was progressing, because being bitten was a damn good reason to cry, but crying over someone not liking you seemed silly. I kinda felt like I _should _have marched off the diamond and headed home to cry about it, but I didn't really _want _to.

I stepped back up to the plate and held my stance. I knew I could hit this ball out of the park. Not literally, because this park went on forever, but I could get it out of the diamond no doubt and then far into outfield. So I patted my bat against the plate, _once, twice, _and then I held it up tightly. I calm down and when Wally threw the pitch (which was decent), I smacked it and the ball went flying. Wally looked up over his head as it soared through the air above him and I ran as fast as my little legs would take me until I hit all the bases and finally, victoriously, home.

Ponyboy and Johnny let out a holler for me as I slid into home base. I'll admit I _was _being a little dramatic, because there was really no reason to slide and my mama was going to be pissed about these dirt stains later, but I felt pretty damn good. I saw Mickey Mantle, centerfielder for the Yankees, do it once in a game. Dad watched baseball sometimes and James and I would gather around and we'd all yell at the television. Mama told me it wasn't appropriate for a girl my age to be doing that, but Dad told her to let me be. I could tell he didn't see why Mama was always harping on me about being a lady and all either.

"That was some swing," Wally commented as he walked over. He held both his hands up to give me a double high-five and I smacked my hands against his. I couldn't stop beaming. I wished there were more people here, specifically James, to witness it, because usually when I was playing a game with his friends from the Kings I choked every time. Wally taught me how to bat better and whenever it was just us two, I hit the ball like that at least once per game.

"Nice hit," Ponyboy piped up. It dawned on me that he was talking to _me. _I was the kid who had the _nice hit. _Man, that made my stomach feel all weird, hearing him say that. I didn't know what it was, but I felt kinda sick in a good way. I realized that since he spoke to me, I was allowed to look at him and actually reply. So I did.

"Thanks, I've been practicin' a hell'uva lot," I told him modestly. I'd like to say that it came naturally to me, but it didn't. I owed it mostly to Wally. The only thing that came naturally was my love for baseball and that only fueled my motivation to get better at it and work harder. Still, I was feeling pretty damn good.

"Whatcha doin' here, Curtis?" Wally asked as he ambled towards the cage. He leaned forward on it, propping his arm against it over his head to hold himself up. I had forgotten he was here for a second, because Ponyboy was looking at me and I was looking at him and I was awake, that was the best part.

I didn't know Wally and Ponyboy were friendly, but they were close in age, as was I with them, and we all went to the same school. Well, Wally did when he decided to actually show up. Ponyboy wasn't part of a rival gang. His gang, if that's what you'd call it, didn't fight anyone but Socs. I thought that was cool. I swear James came home more times busted up from a fight with a Tiger than he did with a Soc. Socs and Greasers had reasons to hate each other, but Kings and Tigers would create reasons that didn't exist just because they were part of either gang. That was stupid. Fighting was meant to solve something, I thought. That's what I learned in History.

"I dunno, nothin' else to do." He shrugged. "Smoke?" he offered, holding out a pack. Wally walked around to the other side of the cage and took one, lighting it up with his own lighter he kept in his pocket at all times. I guess he assumed someone else would always have a cigarette, which was typical on this side of town. I was still standing by home base when Ponyboy asked if I wanted a smoke, too.

"Are you kiddin'?" Wally chuckled. "Her big brother would lose his mind." I furrowed my eyebrows at him as I marched over to where they were. Wally had sat down beside them by now. I didn't know if Ponyboy even knew who my brother was, but he definitely didn't run my life and he wasn't going to tell me what to do and what not to do. He had warned me about smoking, but I think it was just because he wanted to act older and more mature. If I smoked too, then he'd have nothing over me. I'd never smoked before but I took one from Ponyboy anyway, smirking at Wally.

"I smoked before," I said defensively to Wally. He raised his eyebrows and leaned back in surprise. He was only humouring me, because I knew damn well that he knew for a fact I never smoked before. Nevertheless, he didn't rat me out to Ponyboy and Johnny, but instead he lit my smoke and waited for me to take a drag. Let me tell _you, _this was by far the stupidest thing I had ever done in my life.

If I had thought I had embarrassed myself before, I was surely mistaken. This took the cake. I tried to seem cool as I put the cigarette between my lips and inhaled, but it hurt. It really did. I thought I was going to die. I pulled it away in a panic and tried to hold back my gasps for fresh air, making tears form in my eyes. I couldn't take it and erupted into a coughing fit. Wally merely laughed as he stood up to pat me on the back. I caught my breath as quickly as I could, but my eyes were still watery. I was scared if I blinked a tear would roll.

"That's what you get fer thinkin' you're tougher than ya are," Wally scolded. Man, he wasn't helping at all. I knew he didn't know, but I didn't want to look as lame as I was to Ponyboy. I thought that maybe if he knew, he'd go a little easier on me, but then again it was Wally. He would probably tell the kid and they'd laugh about it. _Aw, how cute! James' baby sister has a little crush! _It would take a miracle for anyone to take me seriously.


	6. Sixth

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"_I've smoked before! Look at me, a big tough Greaser! So tuff and cool!_" Wally exclaimed for his own amusement. We were walking back from the park, because night started to creep up on us and Wally wanted to get me home. He really was a tough kid, but when it came to my parents he was a marshmallow. He didn't like disappointing them and for some reason watched out for me. I probably had James to thank for that. A lot of people watched out for me because of him, even if he didn't too much himself. Anyways, Wally was replaying my scene of embarrassment over and over, likely to teach me a lesson.

"Shut it," I groaned. If I had been anyone else, he would have smacked me upside the head, but whenever I told Wally, or any of James' friends really, to s_hut it _they just laughed at me. I was a little mouthy I guess, but no one ever took me seriously so I didn't worry about it.

"That was real rich, Denny, real rich," Wally continued, still chuckling. I knew he'd never forget this. I regretted doing it the second after I took my first drag, but it was too late to back out then. I'm sure Ponyboy wouldn't forget this either. I guess the only good thing about being so insignificant is that he wouldn't tell anyone what happened, because no one would care. "What's your deal, anyhow?" he finally calmed himself and was able to speak more clearly.

"What'dya mean?" I asked.

"Y'know, the Curtis gang ain't even half as scary as the Kings," he told me, "so if yer tryna look tough, I dunno why you'd waste it on those kids. The Kings are the ones you should try to be smokin' in front of."

"Oh hush," I snapped. "You're only sayin' that 'cause you're part of the Kings, so shut it, you don't know nothin'."

Wally raised his eyebrows, but there was a smirk on his face. We both knew _I _didn't know nothing. Wally knew exactly where everyone stood and he knew damn well that the Kings were crazy hoodlums who had nothing to lose, so they didn't care about anything. They were ruthless and mean and truthfully menacing. They didn't care who they hurt, they just wanted their kicks and they'd go to whatever lengths to get them. And don't even try telling them they aren't tough, because they'll break your legs with their bare hands to prove it to you.

The Curtis gang had a lot more to lose. They weren't as street as the Kings or Tigers. They did illegal things and had fun too, but they weren't heartless. They didn't have a rep for being so, at least. Maybe only Dallas Winston, who scared the daylights out of me. This isn't to say I'm not afraid of all of them, because I am. I'm very afraid of them and I'd sooner piss off a Soc, probably. But they didn't strike fear into the hearts of the community like the Kings or Tigers did, that's all I'm saying.

"Wanna tell me what's goin' on?" he interrogated. I picked up my bat that was dragging behind me and swung it over my shoulder as I sped up. Wally was only a few paces behind me, his thumbs hitched in his front pockets, his walk cool and slow. I pulled my cap down further with my glove to cover my eyes, leaving me enough room to see the sidewalk ahead of me. "_Denny,_" he called my name in a singsong way.

"I needa get home, Wally," I said instead of an answer. He wasn't stupid and I wasn't good at lying or hiding my thoughts, especially not from people older than me. I always crumbled to Wally's or Kathy's questions, but sometimes I could fool girls like Amy. Especially when we were all sitting around sharing stories, I'd make myself seem real tuff, but that didn't work with people who really knew me, so I chose the avoidance strategy.

"Not until you tell me what's up," he pursued. He quickened his pace and latched onto my arm, turning me around to look at him. He was instantly analyzing my face as soon as he saw it. I looked everywhere except in his eyes, because I knew that would give me away in a split second. Instead I stared at his chest, waiting for him to let me go so I could scurry out of there. My face was hot.

"No way," he hissed, "No _fuckin' _way."

"Wally, how many times do I gotta tell you to shut it?" I growled as I pulled my arm away defensively. I stormed down the sidewalk, wishing I could just be home already. I felt like my legs couldn't carry me as fast as I wanted to go and it was frustrating. I was getting really mad at myself. I couldn't get people to take me seriously, I couldn't keep secrets, and now I couldn't move quick enough to get me out of this situation. If I could still hear Wally's footsteps behind me I knew I wasn't far enough yet and I wasn't about to stop until I was closed in behind my front door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Wally mumbled as he caught up to me again. I didn't stop walking so he tried to match my pace. "So is it baby Curtis that's got ya all flustered?" I wanted to smack that smug look right off his face, but I knew I wouldn't ever. I was sure all guardian tendencies would fly out the window if I did that and he'd turn back to his regular Wally self around me and I'd get a beating just like every other wise ass kid who crossed his path. It was too bad, because I really wanted to hit him, even though I knew full well it'd hardly do any damage. But it would make me feel better.

"That ain't funny."

"Who says it's supposed to be?"

I stopped walking and looked reluctantly at Wally. I didn't know what to say. I knew if I didn't say anything, he'd go on telling everyone that I was crazy over Ponyboy Curtis. If I told him right now, straight up, then maybe he'd be easy about it. I was thinking about groveling, you know? If I begged him not to tell anyone, how could he go running his mouth? Surely he'd know I'd never speak to him again, but then again, I had to gage how much that really meant to him.

"Alright, alright," I mumbled. "I got a thing for him, okay? Who cares?" I'd like to give myself credit for how tough I sounded. I didn't think I sounded like the little thirteen year-old girl I was gushing about my first crush. I thought I sounded like I genuinely didn't care and it wasn't a big deal. I didn't know if Wally was buying it, but I sure had myself sold.

"See, was that so damn hard?" Wally smirked. He continued walking and I followed his lead. We were walking beside each other kind of slowly. He didn't say anything else and I was little startled. That was it? That was what I was trying to avoid? I was sure there was going to be some monotonous questions and then relentless teasing, but there was nothing. There was silence between us that only our footsteps were vacating.

"You ain't gonna tell anybody, right?"

"Like Jay?" he retorted. He glanced over at me, meeting my curious expression. He stifled a laugh, as if he was only joking, but it was very possible he would tell James. It was gold to tease me with, for one thing, and then he'd tell Dad who would actually take it seriously as if I had a chance with the kid. Dad wouldn't let me leave the house unless he knew where I was going and who with. He'd hunt him down and invite him over and I'd be mortified the entire time while this kid would be completely clueless and desperate to get away from me. I worked up a real disaster in my head, and it may sound farfetched, but I felt in my gut that it would happen.

"I'm serious, Wally, you better not tell a soul," I threatened, or tried to threaten.

"Curtis is a good kid, y'know. I don't know too much 'bout him, only really know him 'cause of Curly," he told me, "but he ain't as dumb as a lot of hoods around here, gotta give him that. Shit, in comparison to Curly he seems like a fuckin' genius."

The Kings weren't too chummy with the Shepard gang, but they were friendly enough. I knew James went to a lot of parties with them and I knew Wally and Curly were good buddies. The Shepard gang was a lot like the Kings, as they both had discipline and depleting morals. I knew Wally would have Curly's back no matter what, and vise versa, despite the fact Wally could slander him till his face turned blue. But they were buddies still and no matter what happens, you have to be there for each other.


	7. Seventh

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_You are cordially invited to Amy's fourteenth birthday bash! _

Lucky me. I reread the little card in my hand about twenty times, but unfortunately that didn't change the content. Of course Amy would go all out with fancy cards and formal dresses. The only dress I had was the one I wore to my grandmother's funeral three years back and I wasn't so sure it fit anymore. Mama would be elated to buy me a new one though for this occasion, and that was exactly why I couldn't let her see this letter. There was no way I was going to this stupid party.

If I showed up, I'd be bored. It would just be the girls giggling about the boys they liked, swapping stories, and curling each other's hair. I didn't giggle, I didn't have any stories to share, and I never touched my hair. This party had nothing to offer me except maybe cake, which I'd end up eating the most of because all of a sudden everyone is on a diet. I wasn't about to let a perfectly good cake go to waste, even if I had to "sacrifice my figure," as Leslie so dramatically puts it. That really peeved me. They always made me feel bad about eating sweets and stuff, but isn't that what kids are s_upposed _to do? I guess I forgot I wasn't a kid anymore and I needed to stop acting like one.

Anyways, I wasn't sure Amy really wanted me there. I felt like there were only two reasons I hung around. One, being that Leslie liked me (most of the time at least) and so she mentioned inviting me to Amy. Two, Amy basked in the fact she was so much prettier and mature than I was, so she liked having me around to pick at. She liked talking down to me, as if just because I never went on a date meant I'm some kind of idiot. That was all those damn girls cared about. I bet none of them could get a homerun and yet you don't see me talking down to them because of it.

"Oh she just got home from school now," I overheard my mama on the phone. She looked up at me as I entered the house. I headed to my room to put my stuff away and then found a spot on the couch. I was ready for a night full of television. Kathy invited me out tonight to grab a milkshake, but I wasn't so sure I was up for it. School drained me. "That's no problem at all, Mrs. Donovan. I think she'll be delighted."

Mama was watching me watching television with this look in her eye. She had a huge smile on her face and all I could think was _what the hell are you getting me into now? _But I couldn't ask her. I'd wait till she got off the phone and told me the plans, and then I would just comply. There was really no way to argue with Mama. Dad did it all the time and he usually won, and James even tried his luck sometimes, but I didn't. She was a little tougher on me which I guess is only fair considering Dad is tougher on James.

"You didn't tell me Amy was having a birthday party," Mama said as soon as she put the phone down. _Oh no. _I gulped, wishing she had gotten me into anything but this.

"Well she handed out the invites today," I defended. I was sure everyone else got theirs much sooner than I had. She probably forgot about me and then once she saw me at school, she took out an empty extra one and scribbled my name down. I thought about the stupid card sitting in my sock drawer, hiding from my mama, though it didn't even matter now. Leslie's mama had gone and blabbed.

"Good thing Leslie's mom called. She and Mr. Donovan are going out next weekend, so she was wondering if Leslie could have a sleepover here. I thought that'd be a wonderful idea, because then you two could get ready for the party together," she told me. She was beaming the whole time, as if it was _her _that was going to the party. She got excited any time I was supposed to hang out with girls, because she didn't like me running around with James' friends. She said it would "ruin me to pick up their barbaric habits." Whenever Wally heard her say this, he'd laugh and agree. But I didn't think Wally was barbaric at all.

"Al-_right_," I agreed reluctantly. I knew this meant we'd be going dress shopping, which was just another thing I really didn't want to do. When Dad got home, she'd gush to him about her plan and I'm supposed to be grateful. I really only wanted to be left alone, but now I knew I could completely scratch next weekend. It was going to be a total drag and I was not looking forward to it.

That only meant I had to make the most of this weekend. I decided to call Kathy and let her know I'd love to grab a milkshake tonight, or maybe three. I wanted to drink as many as I could before I threw up or had to get my stomach pumped. I thought it would be a good way to get out of Amy's fourteenth _birthday bash! _but I thought there was a chance my mama would still make me go, so I wasn't about to risk it.

Typically I told myself I'd get ready early so I could look nice, but I watched television until dinner time and then suddenly Kathy was supposed to pick me up in twenty minutes and I only decided to start getting ready then. To make things worse I couldn't find my favourite shirt. It was comfortable and kinda cute on me, if I did say so myself. It was James' old shirt, which is why Mama occasionally put it in his room after she washed it. That and because she was against me wearing hand-me-downs from my big brother.

I knocked on the door of his room, but there was no answer so I let myself in. I felt bad snooping around James' room, but I was only trying to find a shirt and I promised not to look into anything I didn't need to. I wondered where James was, partly because I was scared he was going to walk in on me creeping around. I hadn't seen him since yesterday, when he was taking up all the space on the couch. It was a Friday night though, so it made sense he'd be out. He was rarely seen around here on weekends.

I kept looking, trying not to disturb anything, but man, was his room ever a mess. I was surprised he found anything. Not that my bedroom was spotless, but at least the mess was somewhat organized. James' room was a literal disaster zone. I picked up everything careful, looking under it, and then placing it back down in its exact spot disappointingly when I realized my shirt wasn't under it. I continued looking, despite the time counting down on me, until I stumbled upon something I really didn't want to stumble upon.

A baggy of rose gray powder slipped out of one of James' jackets when I picked it up. I had never seen this powder before and I wasn't sure what it was. I hesitantly picked it up, examining it further up close, as if that would give me any indication. I wasn't stupid, just not educated. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this was some illegal shit James was stashing, but I wasn't able to pick exactly what. I knew Wally would know.

"Denise! Kathy's here!" Mama hollered from the living room, causing me to jump and drop the baggy. I picked it up quickly and shoved it back into the jacket pocket as I remembered it. I laid out the jacket like I had found it and booked it out of James' room, without my favourite shirt. I settled on a plain long sleeve red one instead. Kathy always said red was my colour so I figured it was the next best thing, though I thought I'd be more comfy in a pullover, but Kathy wouldn't be seen in public with me if I wore one. She didn't mind me being boyish, but she drew the line at anything that looked like I slept in it.

"Hey," I said almost out of breath. I stood in the living room with Mama and Kathy, who were talking about Kathy's parents and how they've been. I didn't know why, because Mama practically talked to her mama every week and they regularly hung out, or whatever it is old people called it. "Ready."

I wanted to get out of my house as soon as possible, because I was freaking out over what I found in James' room. Internally, of course, I couldn't tell Kathy. She was much more action than I was. I was all thought and talk. We wouldn't be going to get milkshakes. We'd be hunting down James and Scott so Kathy could smash their heads together. I didn't know why I didn't just tell Kathy, but I couldn't betray James like that. I had been somewhere I wasn't supposed to be and I found something I wasn't supposed to, meaning none of this was my business, so I was going to have to try to act like it.

"You're so damn quiet lately, Denny," Kathy laughed as we headed down the road, away from my house. I watched it disappear in the side mirror. "You gotta tell me what's up."

"I have to go to this girl's stupid birthday party next weekend," I muttered. "All the girls goin' are so pretty and I don't really fit in with them. It ain't gonna be any fun."

"Den," Kathy began, sounding surprised, "don't say that. You're a pretty girl and anyone who tells you any different is either blind or dumb, alright? Don't be puttin' yourself down like that. I think you should give it a chance, who knows? Ya might have a real good time."

"Yeah," I mumbled, "thanks, I'll give it a try I 'spose." She didn't understand that I didn't really want to _be _pretty like those other girls. No matter what Kathy said, I knew I was really nothing in comparison to them. I didn't know how to flirt with boys or apply makeup, and though it might be cool to spend a day in their shoes, with all that attention, I don't think it'd be permanent for me. I just couldn't see it. I was tomboy Denny, James' kid sister, and that's all I'd ever be.


	8. Eighth

My chocolate milkshake was too damn thick. It felt like cake batter and I had to suck so hard to get it through the flipping straw I thought my brain would explode. It wasn't worth it, so I slouched in the booth and took the lid off. I began stirring it, first slowly then much more forcefully, like beating _real_ cake batter. I drank it from the cup and Kathy gave me a curious look, as if I was a little kid doing something cute or silly.

"I'm gonna wind myself tryna drink it through the straw," I told her. I bet if I turned the cup upside down nothing would fall out. The only good part about this was that it was ice cold, and I couldn't drink it as fast so there was no brain freeze. I wasn't complaining about that.

Kathy smiled and shook her head at me. She seemed to be having no trouble with her vanilla milkshake and I wondered why mine was so thick. Or maybe hers was just as thick and she was hiding it. That's probably what happens when you get older, for instance eating vegetables. James and I always make a big fuss, but my mama eats them no problem. Besides my dad, I've never seen any adult make a big deal about eating a couple vegetables. I was scared to grow up, because that meant you had to do things that you didn't want to do _and _you weren't allowed to make a fuss. When you're a kid you can get away with a lot more.

I was staring into my milkshake, picking up my straw and watching as the milkshake dripped off and back into the cup. Laughing and chattering suddenly filled the restaurant, causing me to look up at the sudden change of atmosphere. This place was usually pretty calm, and safe, which is why Kathy always took me here. She knew we wouldn't get any trouble and even if we did, I believed the man behind the counter had a shotgun. There wasn't any proof, but his look screamed, 'I have a shotgun.' He was friendly enough, as long as you weren't misbehaving.

Two-Bit and his friend were the ones who came barreling in here like wild animals. I had thought it was just going to be me and Kathy tonight, like a girl's night, I guess. I could have really used one to ask her advice for Amy's party, but I definitely wasn't about to bring it up around these guys. Nothing screams lame like a preteen slumber party, even I could admit that. I felt like they could read my mind so I was already embarrassed. It wasn't until Two-Bit slid into the booth beside Kathy that I realized the other person who came with him was the kid.

They kissed and I gagged in my head. I stared back down at my milkshake. I didn't know where else to look. If I looked at Ponyboy I'd probably smile and he'd think I was weird and I wouldn't blame him.

"Sit down, Pony," Kathy said, nodding her head forward and I wished so damn desperately she hadn't.

"Johnny and Dal are waitin' for us," he reminded Two-Bit, but he sat down in the booth next to me anyway. I held my breath unintentionally and stirred my straw a little quicker, to make it seem like I was preoccupied and I wasn't even concerned with him there. I didn't know what I was all worked up about; he hardly even knew me let alone gave a damn. The incident at the park came rushing back and I remembered he hadn't even used my name. Maybe he didn't know it.

"Yeah, well, they ain't goin' anywhere," Two-Bit chuckled in reply. "Hey, how'd you ladies like to come catch a flick with us down at the drive-in?" he was speaking to Kathy and me now, but mostly Kathy. He looked at me though. That made me feel pretty good, because at least he acknowledged my existence. It wasn't just Kathy invited, it was Kathy _and me _who were invited. That was cool.

"I don't know, Two," Kathy began to say, "I gotta get Denny home by ten."

"It's fine," I added quickly. Was she purposely _trying _to embarrass me? "Mama's not gonna mind. She kinda owes me." I figured she did owe me for making me go to that sickening Amy's birthday party. Boy, she was going to owe me for weeks after that. Kathy probably owed me too after tonight. Home by ten? Jeez, that's painfully humiliating. I was likely the only one here with a curfew and then Kathy had to go and bring it up, as if it standing alone wasn't bad enough. I didn't care about my curfew anymore. I figured my parents had enough to get worked up about over James so they'd hardly pay attention to me. They wouldn't even notice if I was an hour or two late, and Kathy always made sure I got home safe no matter what time it was or where we were.

"Seems like it's alright with her," Two-Bit piped up as he slid back out of the seat. He held out his hand to Kathy. "Ready to roll, babe?" She flickered her eyes as she smiled and grabbed his hand. Sometimes they really made me sick to my stomach, but I couldn't lie and say they weren't cute. When they were on bad terms, it was real bad, but when it was good, it was really good. They were constantly up and down, but the up was so high I thought it made the bad worth it. That was just my opinion at least, but what did I know? I was thirteen.

We all rode in Kathy's car, because Two-Bit's wasn't working again and they had walked here. And yes, you guessed it, I got to ride in the backseat with Ponyboy and I swear that damn space had gotten smaller since I was last in it. I usually had shotgun, and James and Scott sat in the backseat. The backseat was always mine though when Two-Bit was with us, which I didn't mind because he was Kathy's boyfriend and I was always a tag along.

"I don't really have a curfew, y'know," I told Ponyboy. We were sitting in silence and Kathy and Two-Bit were talking to each other as if they totally forgot about us in the backseat. Usually even if people's conversations didn't include me, I would still listen, because I'm good at being quiet and observing. But it was hard to concentrate when I knew this was my chance to talk to Ponyboy and he probably wasn't going to speak first. He seemed quiet, so I tried to redeem myself.

"Are you lyin' again?" he asked, finally turning away from the window to look at me.

"Well—I mean—" I stammered, remembering how I had lied about smoking and clearly he hadn't forgotten that. I was hoping he would have. "I kinda do, but I don't. Like my brother is always gettin' into trouble, so—so I'm free to do whatever."

"Your brother's Jay, right?" he asked. He ignored my explanation, because we both _knew _I had a curfew and he wasn't buying my excuse for a second. Neither was I, really. And even though I knew he wouldn't have bought it, I still said it, because I was pretty sure I enjoyed subconsciously embarrassing myself.

"Yeah, hangs out with Wally a lot," I replied, nodding my head. "Y'all friends?"

"No, I don't really know him too well," Ponyboy said, looking away as he added, "He's buddies with Dally, though."

Dally. Dallas Winston. _Dal. _That must've been who Ponyboy was referring to back in the diner. _Johnny and Dal. _Johnny was quiet, like Ponyboy, except Ponyboy was a bit mouthier, as I just learned. I liked Johnny, but I didn't know him very well. I thought he was only quiet around people he wasn't familiar with. I bet around his friends he was quite talkative, that's usually how the quiet ones are. Dallas Winston on the other hand, well I've already told you about him. I was starting to think bringing up my curfew was Kathy's way of trying to get out of this, to keep me away from Dallas, but I had gone and ruined it and now I was paying for it. I thought about the very unrealistic possibility of him talking to me and how lame I already knew I'd sound, out of fear and intimidation, and even platonic admiration.

"He ain't very nice, I wouldn't be friends with him."

"Your brother?"

"Yeah, Jay's really, uh, mean to me, I guess ya could say," I paused, realizing he probably couldn't relate. From what I heard, him and his brothers got along well. Especially him and Soda, because really everyone got along with Soda; he was too friendly and outgoing to hate. Some guys might hate him out of jealousy, but he had every girl swooning. I'd seen it first hand down at the DX. I couldn't help but wonder if Ponyboy would turn out like that. I mean, it wasn't like girls didn't mention him already. I think the only thing keeping him back was that he seemed almost not interested in talking with any of the girls. If he was forward and flirty like Soda, he'd have his pick.

Ponyboy lowered his eyebrows at me. He looked down, seemingly reluctant to continue the conversation. I could have kicked myself in the head. The one damn chance I got and I had made him uncomfortable. Of course I had, it was so typical of me to do so, and now I couldn't just suck the words back into my mouth. They were said and it was weird and I wanted to fall off the face of the Earth, because I couldn't talk to anyone and not seem like some strange little nosy girl.

"I know what you mean," he finally replied, looking back at me and smiling slightly. His smile was cutely crooked, and you wouldn't have noticed unless you were staring at his face like I was. I was just trying to savour the moment to be entirely honest. I didn't know when I'd get another chance like this.


	9. Ninth

**Just wanted to say a huge thanks for the reviews and I'm sorry this is so late! Hope you all like it though :)**

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"Denny, you don't leave my sight, understood?"

In the span of the short drive from the diner to the drive-in, Kathy had transformed into my mama. Not even Wally was ever this protective over me, so maybe it was a girl thing. I mean, he cared if I got home safe and made sure I was always okay, but if I wanted to have a little fun and run around a bit, he realized he wasn't my actual guardian and let me. Kathy seemed to be taking this real seriously and I was going to snap, but then Dallas and Johnny strolled towards the car and I froze.

You might think that sounds kinda dramatic, but I really did. I didn't even have a witty reply for Kathy, I just forgot every word in my vocabulary and swallowed hard. My breathing was forced and my arms felt tingly, like I had a shiver. I didn't so much as unbuckle my seatbelt to get comfortable. I watched with curious eyes as Two-Bit hopped out of the car and met his pals. In a second Ponyboy was beside him too. I hadn't even heard his door open.

Kathy and I were the only two left in the car. She turned around to look at me in the backseat. The doors were all closed and I was almost glad it was only us two. Two-Bit and Ponyboy seemed unrecognizable as they stood and joked around with their friends. It was weird, how I could so easily talk to Ponyboy a few minutes ago, but yet looking at him now made my knees wobble. I was so goddamn lame and he was so cool and I didn't know what to do about any of it.

I could tell by the look on Kathy's face that she noticed something was bothering me, but before she even had the chance to open her mouth the passenger's door swung open. Two-Bit leaned in, grinning from ear to ear. Kathy smiled immediately, though I couldn't seem to wash the nauseous look off my face. I wanted to, but this felt weird. It didn't feel like hanging out with Wally at the park or like when any of James' friends came over. And it most definitely wasn't anything like being around Leslie or Amy. I was intrigued, but not comfortable.

"Ya'll comin' out?" he asked, looking excitedly at Kathy. She nodded for us both and that was my cue to pop off my seatbelt and get out of the car. I didn't want to, but my body ignored my brain's desperate protests and I was soon standing outside in the night air. I folded my arms across my chest, in hope to keep some warmth. It was a bit colder than I had anticipated and my shirt that had seemed appropriate was now feeling so thin.

Ponyboy glanced over at me standing alone, waiting for the crowd to move to a more permanent destination. Dally and Johnny and Two-Bit and now even Kathy were talking and being friendly and I was standing in the same place my feet had hit the ground as I stepped out of the car. And Ponyboy was in the circle with them all, but not talking anymore. He just looked at me and I looked at him. He looked hesitant, but soon he made his way over and stood in front of me. I didn't know why he did, because I was used to being unnoticed when I wanted to be, and I wanted to be.

"Why're you standin' over here by yourself?" he questioned. I shrugged. I didn't know what to say. I only really _knew _Kathy here, and somehow she had dragged me into this, except actually it was in fact good old me who had gotten myself into this. He only chuckled a bit to my response. His smile was a lot like Soda's, I realized, and that made me smile too. The group started to move, assumingly towards the bleachers, and Ponyboy nodded forward. "C'mon, then," he said to me. I followed until they picked their seats and Kathy made me sit in front of her. That wasn't cool, but Ponyboy sat beside me, probably because he had been walking beside me anyway and it just fell into place.

I didn't go to a lot of movies. The drive-in was a place for teenagers and I was hardly one. I was on the border; too scared to step fully into the teenage world and, despite the merciless force called time pushing me forward, I was trying to cling onto childhood. I wanted to be a teenager, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't sure _how. _And even when I figured that out, I knew I wouldn't be any good at it. I was real good at being the tag along little sister who wore hand-me-down sweaters and got dirt caked under her nails. I was good at being a playful punching bag for James and his friends, and I was good at watching cartoons early in the morning with a bowl of frosted cereal in my lap.

When I went to the movies with my dad we watched the movie. It didn't happen too often so I liked to savour the moment and enjoy the bonding time, even though we were both silent most of the time. But we laughed at the same jokes and that was nice. When Dallas began speaking to the girls behind him, it alarmed me. I heard him speaking and looked back cautiously, only to see him turned around, facing two blushing giggling girls. They must have been at least two years older than me. I directed my eyes back to the screen and reflected on what had happened.

Two-Bit and Kathy weren't really watching the movie either. They were whispering, thinking they were being inaudible, but I could hear the soft murmurs. That was only close around me; if you took a long look at the whole drive-in scene it was apparent that at least half of the kids weren't here for the movie. I didn't even know you could do that, talk at a drive-in. It would've gotten us thrown out of the theatre no doubt, but no one cared here. Or at least no one acted like they cared. I looked to my right and watched Ponyboy. His eyes hadn't left the screen, despite the distractions around him. Johnny was beside him and he hadn't removed his eyes either.

You can only stare at someone for so long before they feel it. Ponyboy blinked and when his eyelids rose, his greenish-gray eyes were set on me. I swallowed hard and sheepishly looked down at my hands. I was picking at my thumb nail, acting as if what had just happened hadn't actually happened. It had, though, and now he definitely thought I was strange, if he hadn't already before. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole, but unfortunately, like everything else I asked for, it didn't happen. And I was still here, slouched in my seat, listening to Dallas Winston chat up two pretty girls behind me.

"Are you ok?" I heard Ponyboy ask. His voice drowned out Dallas', which I had been focusing on. I looked up slowly at him, raising my eyebrows as if I didn't know why he'd ask such a thing. I didn't want to distract him from the movie, so I replied: "Yeah, sorry," and let him carry on, free of my childish behaviour. Ponyboy smiled at me, not too big, but it was friendly and genuine and I tried to take a mental shot of it as best as I could. I found that when he turned his gaze back on to the movie screen, his smile wasn't as fresh in my mind as I'd liked it to be. I realized, for the first time, seeing him was a privilege I clearly wasn't always permitted and maybe I had taken it for granted.

I huffed and looked back at the screen as well, trying to swallow this harsh pill. I had spent a long time in school with him, not speaking to him, essentially avoiding him, except when I stared at him from the back of English class. It amazed me that I could waste so much time, time I could've spent talking to him, and it was only pure luck that no other girl had skipped by and swooped up his attention. It was so easy now, so goddamn easy to be around him, that I wanted to smack myself on the forehead. Even if he only saw me as James' kid sister, well it was better than nothing, and I'd surely take it. It was probably from the high of the moment, but I almost felt like I might've had a chance.


	10. Tenth

"Time to wake up, sleepyhead," my mama sung as she entered my room, uninvited mind you, and pushed back the drapes. The sun shone through my windows and felt like it burned against my sore tired eyes. This was my least favourite way of waking up. It was nice when my mama woke me up with pancakes and a big glass of chocolate milk, but that was rare and typically for special occasions. Today breakfast was going to be in the kitchen and I was going to have to get my lazy self out of bed to get it.

"Why so early?" I groaned, flinging the blankets off of my body. I sat up stiffly and rubbed my eyes. I felt rather disoriented, though I knew where I was and all. I was just very sleepy. Kathy had brought me home after the movie ended. It was sometime around eleven-thirty and midnight, which honestly was later than I was used to. I liked to be in bed by ten-thirty, because then I felt good the next day. Staying up late wasn't all that exciting to me.

"We have to go dress shopping, Denise," Mama replied. By now she was already sorting through my closet, trying to find something for me to wear. She knew I would roll out of bed, throw on a sweater, and shove a piece of toast in my mouth then say I was ready to go. I guess she didn't want to be seen with the walking wreck I usually was. "It's already ten AM," she added, as if ten AM wasn't early. I thought it was pretty early for a Sunday.

I've expressed this already, but I really _really _didn't want to go shopping today. There was a reason I didn't own any dresses; I didn't like them. There was a reason I wasn't trying to avoid Amy's birthday; I didn't like her. And there was a reason I wanted to stay in bed; I didn't like mornings. The three of these combined was not going to make for a happy Denny, but my mama would make sure I snapped out of that real quick. She didn't like moody behaviour, especially from me. I was to be lovely and pleasant, like she was. So I put on a brave face and followed her into the kitchen, where breakfast was already set out on the table for me.

I ate quickly so I could return to my room and throw on the clothes she had picked out. This was all making her so happy; she didn't have to say anything for me to be able to tell that. I was gonna give her today. Today would be the one day I would at least try to act like a real daughter, but I couldn't speak for tomorrow. I'd be back to my old self by then.

Mama and I didn't spend time together much. It was usually me and Dad, or me and Dad and James. Mama had things to do always. She was either grocery shopping or cleaning the house or knitting or gossiping over tea with her friends about the neighborhood. It's not that she wouldn't love for me or James to tag along with her during any of these activities; it's that it was just more convenient if we didn't, for us and for her.

We didn't like shopping or cleaning or knitting or gossiping (or tea). Mama was a little bit of a control freak, if you couldn't already tell, and usually me and James found some way to leave the cleaning products on too long or grab the wrong box of cereal at the store or get the yarn tied together in knots when knitting. There were some things Mama liked doing alone, and though I was sure she loved us, her favourite activities didn't include us.

Anyways, that meant today was going to be strange. I mean strange as in different than every other day, not awkward or anything because it was still my mama. Dad wasn't coming and James surely would rather die than tag along, so we hopped in the station wagon just the two of us and headed towards the stores.

I was not a picky person and I didn't know anything about dresses, so I allowed Mama to pick out all the ones she liked and hand them to me in bundles. I tried each one on and stepped out of the change room for critique from her. It took a long time to narrow it down to her favourite, let me tell you, but she was awfully enthusiastic it made it hard not to at least smile. I tried to enjoy myself, I really did, and it kind of worked. The day was long, but not as draining as I thought it would be.

We settled on a dress that reached just below my knees. It was dark purple and had a sweetheart neckline with thick straps. There was tulle that started at my waist and worked downward, while the upper half was silk-like and fitting. I felt incredibly stupid in it, but I had to say it was a very pretty dress, especially since it was fairly cheap. We didn't have a lot of money, but my mama wouldn't settle until she found something that looked presentable and was within the budget, and she had.

I put on my regular clothes as Mama went to pay for the dress. There were mirrors all around the store and it was impossible to look away from them. I studied myself as I twirled and tried to act elegantly. I told myself I was just goofing around, but honestly I wanted to impress Amy and the girls. I knew they were probably expecting me to show up in my corduroys, despite it being semiformal, and when they saw me in this dress they'd be shocked. I didn't care about what they thought, but I wanted to show them up, just once.

Mama and I left the store with my dress folded nicely in a cute little bag. She let me hold it. I felt like people were looking at me, wondering what a ruffian like me was doing holding a bag from such a classy store, but I tried to ignore it. As long as I didn't make eye contact with people, I was okay. And I almost felt pretty simply from holding this bag.

We stopped for an early dinner on the way home. I didn't usually get to eat at restaurants unless Kathy took me there. My mama loved cooking and she was good at it too, so I didn't mind, but restaurants were a nice treat.

"Are we bringin' something home for Jay and Dad?" I asked curiously, partially as a reminder there were two more mouths to feed who certainly didn't know how to cook anything and couldn't feed themselves.

"Yes," Mama answered, "yes we will." Neither of us decided to bring up the fact we hadn't seen James in awhile. If he came home at all this weekend, he managed to miss us both and Dad. I wondered where he was or if he'd even be home tonight, but James was a free spirit truthfully. You couldn't tell him what to do and you couldn't tame him. If you even tried, he'd burn you so bad you'd cringe every time you saw him. Dad could knock some sense into him sometimes, but it never stuck.

It made sense he was friends with Dallas. They were cut from the same cloth, I thought. The only difference being James had a family and loving home, and he chose to ignore it. James had never been arrested, that I know of, but besides those things they were a lot alike. I couldn't tell if that would bond them closer or if it'd be like fighting fire with fire and this entire time was only a big countdown until one of them exploded.

I didn't know Dallas well, but I knew James and it puzzled me how Ponyboy could be friends with someone like that. I wondered if he'd turn out like that. I wondered if he got kicks from stealing things from gas stations. I wondered if he chatted up girls in the way Dallas had at the drive-in last night. I wondered if he liked being a Greaser, or if he wanted out, like I'm sure a lot of them did but wouldn't dare admit. Wally wanted out, I knew that. He didn't enjoy being in a gang, it was a way of survival, and I thought he'd make an impeccable contribution to society as a lawyer or a doctor or something smart. But he didn't get that chance and it sucked, and I wondered if it sucked for Ponyboy too.


End file.
